Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
Matthew 10:21 And the brother shall deliver up the brother to death,
Matthew 15:19 For out of the heart proceed evil thoughts,
Matthew 22:19 Shew me the tribute money.
Matthew 18:16 But if he will not hear [you, then]
Matthew 22:20 Whose is this image and superscription?
Matthew 15:20 These are [the things] which defile a man:
Matthew 21:27 Neither shall I tell you by what authority...
Matthew 18:17 And if he shall neglect to hear them,
Matthew 10:23 But when they persecute you in this city, flee to another:
Matthew 16:25 For whoever will save his life shall lose it:
Matthew 15:24 I am not sent but unto the lost sheep
Matthew 20:18 Behold, we go up to Jerusalem...
Matthew 22:21 Render therefore unto Caesar
Matthew 18:18 ...Whatsoever you shall bind on earth
Matthew 16:26 For what is a man profited,
Matthew 15:26 It is not good to take the children's bread
Matthew 20:19 And shall deliver him to the Gentiles to mock,..
Matthew 22:29 You err, not knowing the scriptures,
Matthew 16:27 For the Son of man shall come
Matthew 15:28 O woman, great [is] your faith:...
Matthew 22:30 For in the resurrection they neither marry,
Matthew 21:30  And he came to the second, and said likewise
Matthew 23:23 Woe unto you...for you pay tithes of mint and anise and cumin,
Matthew 16:28 There be some standing here who shall not taste of death
Matthew 15:32 I have compassion on the multitude,
Matthew 22:31 But as touching the resurrection of the dead,
Matthew 22:32 I am the God of Abraham,
Matthew 21:34 And when the time of the fruit drew near...
Matthew 22:37 You shall love the Lord your God with all your heart,
Matthew 21:35 And the husbandmen took his servants, and beat one...
Matthew 17:26 Then are the children free.
Matthew 17:12 ...Elias is come already,
Matthew 17:27 Notwithstanding, lest we should offend them,
Matthew 22:38 This is the first and great commandment.
Matthew 14:18 Bring them here to me.
Matthew 17:9 Tell the vision to no man,
Matthew 17:11 Elias truly shall first come
Matthew 21:36 Again, he sent other servants more than the first:
Matthew 17:17 O faithless and perverse generation,
Matthew 17:20 Because of your unbelief: for ...
Matthew 17:21 But this kind goes not out except
Matthew 25:29  For unto every one that hath shall be given,
Matthew 17:22 The Son of man shall be betrayed
Matthew 17:25 What do you think, Simon?
Matthew 21:37 But last of all he sent unto them his son,...
Matthew 22:40 On these two commandments hang all the law
Matthew 20:28 Even as the Son of man came not to be ministered unto,
Matthew 21:38  But when the husbandmen saw the son,
Matthew 22:42 What do you think of the Christ?
Matthew 21:39  And they caught him, and cast him
Matthew 22:43 How then did David in spirit
Matthew 23:10 Neither are you called masters:
Matthew 22:44 The LORD said unto my Lord,
Matthew 23:3 All therefore whatever
Matthew 21:42 Did you never read in the scriptures...
Matthew 22:45  If David then call him Lord,
Matthew 21:43 Therefore I tell you, The kingdom of God
Matthew 21:44 And whoever falls on this stone shall be broken:
Non-Jesus Verse: Matthew 24:3 The Apostle's Question