Christ Speaking -- Matthew

This list shows the "spoken version" of each verse of Christ's words in Matthew. It adds interactions with audiences, pauses, and other interactions you would see in a spoken presentation. The word order follows the order of the original Greek much more closely than other English so that the humor works correctly, especially the punch lines. This work is being done as part of a new version capturing the Gospel of Matthew from a different perspective.
Matthew 21:33 Hear another parable: There was a certain landowner who planted...
Matthew 23:5 But all their works are done to be seen by men:
Matthew 17:23 And they shall kill him,
Matthew 9:2 Son, be of good cheer;
Matthew 10:5 Do not go to the way of the Gentiles
Matthew 14:16 They need not depart; give them to eat.
Matthew 15:3 Why do you also transgress
Matthew 16:2 When it is evening, you say, fair weather:
Matthew 17:7 Arise, and be not afraid.
Matthew 18:3 ...Except you be converted,
Matthew 21:2 Go into the village across from you...
Matthew 23:2 The scribes and the Pharisees sit in Moses' seat:
Matthew 23:6 And love the uppermost rooms at feasts,
Matthew 23:7 And greetings in the markets,
Matthew 23:8 But do not let yourself be called Rabbi:
Matthew 23:9 And call no man your father upon the earth:
Matthew 21:3 And if any man say ought unto you...
Matthew 9:4 Why do you think evil
Matthew 15:4 For God commanded, saying, Honour thy father
Matthew 16:3 And in the morning, foul weather today:
Matthew 23:11 But he that is greatest among you shall be your servant.
Matthew 18:4 Whoever therefore shall humble himself as this little child,
Matthew 18:10 Take heed that you despise not one of these little ones;
Matthew 15:11 That which goes into the mouth
Matthew 16:11 How is it that you do not understand that I spoke [it] not to you concerning bread,
Matthew 23:12 And whosoever shall exalt himself shall be abased;
Matthew 18:11 For the Son of man is come to save that which was lost.
Matthew 9:12 Those who are whole do not need
Matthew 10:15 ...It shall be more tolerable
Matthew 15:13 Every plant, which my heavenly Father
Matthew 16:13 Whom do men say that I
Matthew 22:10 So those servants went out into the highways,
Matthew 23:13 But woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites!
Matthew 18:12 What do you think? If a man has an hundred sheep,
Matthew 10:16 Behold, I send you forth as sheep in the midst of wolves:
Matthew 15:14 Let them alone: they be blind leaders
Matthew 16:15 But whom say ye that I am?
Matthew 20:11 And when they had received [it],
Matthew 22:11 And when the king came in to see the guests,
Matthew 21:21 Truly I tell you, If you have faith...
Matthew 18:13 And if it is that he finds it,
Matthew 9:15 Can the sons of the bridechamber mourn...
Matthew 15:16 Are you also yet without understanding?
Matthew 16:17 Blessed art thou, Simon Barjona: f
Matthew 22:12 And he said to him, Friend, how
Matthew 23:15 Woe unto you...for you compass sea and land to make one proselyte
Matthew 20:12 Saying, These last have wrought but one hour
Matthew 21:22 And all things, whatever you shall ask in prayer...
Matthew 18:14 Even so it is not the will of your Father
Matthew 10:19 But when they deliver you up,
Matthew 15:17 Do you not yet understand,
Matthew 16:18 ...That thou art Peter,
Matthew 20:13 But he answered one of them, and said, Friend,
Matthew 22:13 Then the king said to the servants,
Matthew 10:20 For it is not ye that speak, but the Spirit
Matthew 9:17 Neither do men put new wine
Matthew 18:15 Moreover if your brother shall trespass against you,
Matthew 15:18 But those things which proceed out of the mouth
Matthew 16:19 And I will give to you the keys of the kingdom...
Matthew 20:14 Take yours and go your way: